Snippets of Final Fantasy VI
by OMFGhehehe
Summary: What are the characters of Final Fantasy VI really like and how do they interact? Is Setzer a good cook? Who are Relm's parents? What does pickles and ducks have to do with anything? Can anyone actually remember what Cyan looks like. Warning: Yaoi
1. Pineapple Salad

Pineapple Salad

"When is supper?" Cyan asked Sabin, it was already eight and they hadn't eaten all day. Setzer was in the kitchen trying to prepare a special meal for Celes's birthday.

"I have no clue but it better be delicious," Sabin answered as his belly rumbled for the nth time that night.

"Gau starved," Gau said. Normally he would've used hungry but he was learning English from Terra every night.

"You're not starving, back in my day kids would only say that if they hadn't eaten in a week which was pretty often. You should be thankful for one meal a day." Strago often gave his sagely wisdom to the young 'uns.

"Seriously what's the deal?" Locke asked. He was angry because he was looking forward to Celes's birthday cake. "I'm going to see what's up."

Locke headed into the kitchen where he saw Setzer humming happily and seven empty bottles of Tequila in the trash. "Have you been drinking?" he asked angrily.

"Nope," Setzer answered although it was clear he was lying.

"What're you making?" Locke peered into the pot on the stove. "Is that pineapple?"

"Yup, I'm making pineapple salad," Setzer said in a cheery tone. Locke gagged at the smell of it.

"What's in there?" he asked. It was probably chocobo shit or something.

"Not much, its pineapple, salt, Lagomorph ears, tequila, milk, butter, spaghetti noodles, and egg yolk." Setzer went back to stirring the nasty concoction.

Locke hastily left and went to the main room. He was bombarded with questions. "What's he making?" Celes asked.

"Pineapple salad," Locke didn't want to tell them all the ingredients. It might be one of those foods that taste great, but are made of gross things.

"Sounds delicious," Sabin said, his moth was watering, "it's definitely going to be good!"

"Back in my day we didn't have pineapples. We couldn't make pineapple salad or pineapple anything. You should consider yourself lucky." Another one of Strago's pieces of elderly wisdom. Setzer then called them in for dinner.

"I can't wait to try it!" Celes had a joyful look on her face.

"Here it is," Setzer put a large platter on the table and everyone dug in. Everyone spit it out at the same time except Sabin, Setzer, Shadow, and Strago. All of which, didn't mind the taste.

"Back in my day, people were grateful for any meal they got. We didn't get one often so anything was great," Strago lectured.

"Were you poor?" Relm asked curiously.

"No," Strago became defensive and Relm really knew he was.

"Who wants cake?" Locke asked. He had a lot of room for cake so he called dibs on half.


	2. Cosmetics

Cosmetics:

A scream was heard throughout the ship. It was a girly and feminine one, so Terra, Celes, and Relm were immediately subjects to check on. Celes came out of her room.

"What happened?" she asked looking at Edgar. He shrugged and went to Terra's door. Just as he was about to knock, Terra burst through the door.

"Who died?" she asked calmly. Sabin gave her his treasured "WTF" face. No, Locke had not yet treasure-huntered it. "Oh… no one." She sounded disappointed, but Terra's lack of caring for the other members wasn't important at this time. Shadow came over with Relm.

"Have you found the source of the scream yet?"

"No…" Locke said. "Who could it be?" He began to take a head count.

"Who's missing?" asked Celes.

"I don't think anyone is," replied Sabin.

"Mr. Thou, Cyan is missing," Gau answered stroking his nonexistent beard for only Kefka knows why.

"Cyan screamed?" asked Relm confused. They all tried to picture the scream coming from said man's mouth. It was hard for some people, who only had fuzzy images of the man to begin with.

"What does he look like again?" asked Relm rudely.

"I don't know… I think he had a mustache and beard," Celes whispered to her.

"Oh!" Sabin had a sudden thought come to his head. "He's black." Now it was his turn to be on the receiving end of the fabled "WTF" face. He silently made a note to himself never to do something stupid I Setzer's presence again… That face scared him.

"Hey Sabin, are you okay in the head?" asked Edgar.

"Yeah I- Ooh! He had black hair, and was wrinkly!" Everyone started thinking, and then the images started flashing in their heads.

"Guy's!" Cyan yelled, "I'm emotionally distraught."

"That's right, and he wears blue!" Terra said. They started bouncing ideas off of each other before Relm's non-magical paints were taken by Mog and Terra, who drew what they thought Cyan looked like.

"No," Locke said. "It's more like this." He began adding things, before Setzer shoved him aside to have his turn. They all started painting.

"There!" Sabin said putting on the finishing touches.

"That looks just like him." Edgar said proudly. "Good work team."

"Guy, I just found out that my last doughnut-" Cyan stared at the painting with a look of surprise. "Is that me?"

"Yeah!" Gau shouted proudly.

"It looks like the cosmetic's monster barfed all over my face." Most looked sheepish, and saw what he was talking about, but Sabin did not see it.


	3. Piggles

Piggles:

"Relm, what're you painting this time?!" Terra questioned, just yesterday she had painted a rather large rhinoceros that attacked them all. She didn't want to be stuck trying to clean up the mess again.

"Nothing dangerous," Relm assured without looking up from her painting. Every time Terra tried to sneak a look, Relm turned away. She eventually gave up with a large sigh.

"Okay, but if it destroys something again, **your** cleaning it up," Terra stomped out of the room angry because she'd have to clean up the mess for sure.

"Hey Terra, are you okay?" Sabin asked. Terra was about to say yes but a wonderful plan came to mind.

"No," she burst into tears grabbing at Sabin's shirt to add to the dramatic effect. "I… My-my favorite hair tie snapped and I don't have time to get a new one with watching Relm and all."

"Hey, calm down," Sabin patted her. "Locke'll watch Relm for you." Sabin ceased patting Terra and went to find Locke.

"Why don't you watch her," Locke sneered hating the idea of watching the brat. "You **are** her father!"

"She can't know, not yet anyway," Sabin answered. Locke sighed. Sabin took it as a yes.

"Ayo kiddo," Locke ruffled Relm's hair before she had the chance to scoot away. She made a whining noise but did not stop her painting until she exclaimed, "Done!" A green pig shot out of her painting.

"Piggles!" she squealed as she gave the chibi-pig a hug.

"Pickles?" Locke asked, he wondered why she'd name her pig that… He guessed it was because the creature was green.

"No," Relm said angerly, "it's Piggles." Locke formed an 'O' with his mouth and nodded his head. Piggles snorted at him.

"Come Piggles," Relm commanded. Piggles turned up his head and followed her out the door.

"What is wrong with that girl?" Locke shook his head in disbelief.

X X X X

"Piggles is cute right?" Relm asked. Setzer took one look at its purple eyes and squealed in agreement.

"No," Shadow said apathetically. Although it did nothing to ruin Relm's mood.

"He really means yes, he's just a meanie," Relm whispered loudly to her new friend.

They rolled around on the ground because Relm said Piggles's figure, being round and shaped like a ball, was perfect especially if he tucked his head in and wrapped his ears around it.

But, of course, all good things have to come to an end. When Interceptor found Piggles's picture he ate it out of sheer jealousy.

Relm then played with Interceptor, not mad at him, because he always had a special place in Relm's bosom… Next to her lung… Not her left though, her right.


	4. Soup

Soup:

Edgar sneezed for the twelfth time that day. Sabin sneezed for the twenty-third. Not like Locke was paying too much attention, but it's worse than yesterday. Edgar was not happy.

"Look guys, Setzer is probably done fixing dinner Soup'll make you feel better, right?"

"Not when Setzer's making it," muttered Edgar.

"Setzer's a find cook Edy-poo, I guess you're just too used to the fancy things," Sabin said snickering.

"That's not- ah ah achoo-my name Sabin," Edgar said.

"I know, I just like to use it Edy-poo!"

"Sabin!" Edgar whined very unking-like.

"Edy-poo, Sabin," a new voice interrupted, "dinner's done."

"Thanks Setzer," Sabin said, snatching the bowl up from the man. He gargled the soup before downing the whole bowl. Everyone in the room gave him odd looks.

"What?"

"Did you just gargle the soup?" Edgar asked eyeing his brother with a faint look of hidden disgust.

"Ya, I just haven't got time to brush my teeth every day," Sabin trailed off. "I'm just kidding." Though they still didn't know why he did it they dismissed it as him being Sabin. Locke covered his mouth with his hand, so it wasn't visible to Sabin, and mouthed 'WTF' to Setzer. He just shrugged and looked at Edgar encouragingly.

"Go ahead, eat up!" Edgar raised the spoon with minimal liquid in it, up to his lips, and took the tiniest sip he could possibly take before smiling with fake pleasure.

"Great!" Setzer said enthusiastically before leaving the room. "I'll start another batch!" He called. Edgar spit the three drops of soup back into the bowl before handing it to Sabin, or at least he would've if Sabin were still awake. The hot soup ran along his brother spreading over places where soup should never be, and then dripped off the bed. The bowl landed on Sabin's head with a loud thud.

"Uh… Sabin are you okay?" Locke asked quietly thinking the man could be in intense pain. No response came.

"Did I knock him out, oh god, I didn't kill him did I?" asked Edgar. He started rambling making no move to check on his younger brother. Not that Locke could talk either… he was still rooted to the chair. The knob twisted, sounding painfully loud in the dead silent room. Setzer poked his head in.

"Hey Locke, c'mon, let's go get a drink. "He obviously couldn't see what Locke had dubbed 'The Soup Massacre' … a very unfitting title. Locke shook his head and pointed to the bed. Setzer looked in.

"Oh, well clean that mess up… I guess Edgar wasn't hungry."

"Sabin's dead!" Edgar shouted.

"No, I just gave him sleeping meds so Locke and I could go drinking."


	5. Toilet Seat

Toilet Seat:

"Where's the bathroom?" Locke asked as soon as he got aboard the Blackjack. He had to pee for an hour! Fighting monsters had never been so hard. He couldn't concentrate.

"It's through that door on the left," Setzer answered. Locke quickly went through the door. It was a bedroom. It wasn't too shabby it had a four poster bed, a window seat, a full closet, two dressers, a vanity, and a curtained off section… A changing room?

Locke searched and searched but he couldn't find any doors that led to the bathroom. Maybe it was behind the curtain.

He opened the curtains and almost stepped into a large gaping hole. But, there was no door. He went to ask Setzer again.

"Setzer, where is the bathroom?" Locke asked. Setzer look perplexed.

"It's in that room on the left," Setzer answered. Locke grew annoyed.

"Can you show me?" Locke asked. Setzer sighed. Locke followed him as he walked into the bedroom and opened the curtain.

"Here it is," Setzer said. Locke was confused. Was there a secret passage?

"It's a hole," Locke stated. Setzer nodded. Locke refused to believe this hole was the toilet.

"Yes, did you expect plumbing on my airship?" Setzer asked and Locke continued to stare dumbly at the hole.

Locke sighed but he still didn't like the idea of having to pee in a hole.

"You're pathetic," Setzer sniggered. Locke blushed. He couldn't stand being laughed at.

"I've never had to pee in a hole before, okay!" He grew defensive. Setzer just continued to laugh as he shut the curtain.

Locke was still apprehensive about peeing in a hole. What if he fell? Maybe a bird would fly up and attack him…

"Are you done in there yet?" Setzer asked opening the curtain.

"Hey, I told you I've never went in a hole before!" Locke said.

"Do I need to help you?" Setzer asked in a mock baby voice. He reached for Locke's pants and started to pull them down but Locke freaked and bolted. Setzer sighed.

"Hey Setzer where's the bathroom?" Setzer realized when Terra asked him he didn't have anywhere for a girl to go… The hole was too wide.

"Right here," Setzer said. Terra looked confused before she seemed to have gotten an idea. She lowered herself down so she could pee. Now she was hanging onto the hole. But she had trouble getting up. Just when she was about to ask for help Locke worked up the nerve and a stream of pee hit her in the face.

"Good boy," Setzer praised Locke as he completely forgot about Terra, who was still hanging there.


	6. Curtains

Curtains:

"What's up with all the hot people having grey hair, am I traveling with a bunch of sexy old dudes or something!" Relm whined one evening at dinner.

"Who has grey hair?" asked Setzer looking around before his eyes stopped at Strago. "Oh… I, uh, wouldn't call that a sexy old dude!" Snickers were heard. Strago humphed.

"Blondes are sexiest," Edgar said eyes glancing over Celes and Relm, "… and green," he added nodding toward Terra.

"Uwaoo!" Gau sexy!" Gau shouted beating his chest. For some unknown reason, he began to strip.

"Gau, put thou clothes back on!" Cyan said sternly.

"Ah, talking all fancy again. I thought we took a break from that," Sabin sneered.

"Besides no one likes anyone with brown or black hair," Terra sneered trying to sound like her role model… which was Sabin, and when he was nasty, she was nasty. Locke shot up pointed at his hair and then he sat back down.

"Yeah, you have grey hair like Setzer, so what?" Terra said.

"Excuse me, but my hair is silver and shiny," Setzer said firmly.

"Yeah and my hair's brown!" Locke shouted. Everyone started laughing thinking he was being sarcastic.

"Good one Locke," chuckled Sabin.

"Yeah, good one Locke," chuckled Terra.

"Yeah, good one Locke," chuckled Gogo.

"What? My hair is CLEARLY brown!"

"So it hasn't naturally grayed?"

"It's not gray-"

"Yeah, and Terra's hair isn't green!" Celes yelled laughing again. Terra laughed nervously.

"Wait… it isn't?" asked Relm.

"Ye-yeah, of course it is!" Terra shouted.

"My hair was brown," admitted Sabin, hoping it would fool Terra, "I thought Edgar's hair was cooler, so I dyed mine."

"Okay, my hair was originally blond," Terra said.

"Nuh uh!" Relm said. "You're making that up so Sabin'll like you!"

"That's not true!"

"You little bitch! Either way, you lied!" Shadow snarled, becoming vicious for no apparent reason. Everyone started to shout and scream until Setzer smashed a beer bottle on the table. Everyone looked up and gave him the 'WTF' face.

"Okay, there is only one way to check! Everyone, pants down."

"Why?" asked Sabin.

"So I can see if the curtains match the carpet."

"What?" asked Relm.

"Pants down." Setzer reinforced. When he pulled out his cards, they all complied.

"Terra is a natural blond!" he exclaimed. Terra blushed.


	7. Carrots

Carrots:

Strago was sitting in the kitchen happily observing the argument before him.

"We had corn yesterday!" Relm screamed as loud as she could.

"That's why we have leftovers to eat!" Setzer screamed equally as loud.

"Why don't we just throw them away?"

"Don't sound so prissy or you'll end up like Edgar!"

Setzer was currently making dinner. Strago chuckled at the fact that Relm threw a fit everyday Setzer fixed corn.

"But corn's so nasty!" She started screaming and Setzer matched her screams making it unbearable for the other occupants in the room.

"Just throw the corn out and fix the poor lady another vegetable," Edgar said when they took a break to catch their breath. What he didn't say was he just didn't want leftovers.

"Fine," Setzer said with an anger tone in his voice. "We'll have carrots." As he was going to the fridge to pull the carrots out Locke jumped up from his seat.

"I **hate** carrots," Locke screamed, much like Relm minutes before.

"I **don't** care," Setzer continued to pull out several carrots.

"I don't want carrots," Locke whined trying a different approach.

"As I just said, I don't care," Setzer repeated. Locke pouted.

"Actually," Terra spoke up, "I don't like carrots either…" Setzer's eye twitched.

"Me neither, they are gross," Celes put in her two cents.

"Well, if we are speaking our minds about carrots, I don't particularly care for them," Edgar said in a very demanding manner.

"Carrots gross!" Gau screeched at seeing something that wasn't meat.

"Carrots gross!" Gogo mimicked. Mog throw in a kupo for himself and Umaro, who only ate green cherries.

"Okay who likes carrots?" Sabin asked. Nobody said anything. "I think we've all agreed, NO CARROTS!" With that he plucked the carrots from Setzer and he grabbed the bag from the refrigerator.

"Throw them overboard" Terra yelled as if the carrots were really alive.

"Kill them for all the ways they have wronged us!" Celes had out her sword. She was ready to protect anyone the carrots, now dubbed 'evil carrots, decided to attack.

"Sabin, toss the first one off, make sure it's one of the babies," Relm said morbidly. Sabin did as told and threw a baby carrot off the airship first.

Soon all the carrots were gone and everyone felt more at ease. Although they'd worked up and appetite.

Setzer decided to finish the lunch he'd been making. They were having hot dogs and… "How about peas?"

"I **hate **peas" Shadow said with a menacing look on his face.

"We'll stick to fruit then," Setzer decided.


	8. Fancy Words

Fancy Words:

"What are you doing Locke?" asked Edgar seeing Locke crumple up numerous sheets of paper in frustration, before starting again.

"NOTHING!" He quickly jumped up and held the paper behind his back.

"Okay then, I'll leave you to do nothing," Edgar said turning as if he were to leave the room. When Locke turned around and began concentrating again, Edgar snatched up a balled piece of paper. He couldn't read it since the ink was smeared.

"Locke seriously!" Edgar said loudly. It wasn't like Locke to keep secrets from him… Once again Locke crumpled up his paper and tossed it behind him. It hit Edgar square on the nose. Edgar marched over to where Locke was working and saw an envelope with an unknown seal.

'OMG!' He thought quietly to himself. 'Locke's a traitor working for the Empire!' He picked up the envelope and opened it. It was really scary how hard the thief was concentrating. He skimmed over the nicely written words. This mystery person must be a poet or a noble man. The language usage in this letter was increadible; Edgar didn't even know half of what these words meant, and he studied in the library for many hours everyday.

"You know what, screw this!" Locke stomped angrily out of the room. Edgar continued reading. 'This… this is a… love letter?' Edgar was shocked. Locke Cole had a secret admirer. What did she look like, how old was she, was she related to him, did she live in Figaro? So many questions ran through Edgar's head, so he quickly ran off to find Locke. Said man was speaking with a maid.

'Why that sly dog, he's dating one off _my_ girls!' He saw the girl point at him and became nervous when Locke spun around with a slightly annoyed look on his face.

"YOU, ME, MY ROOM NOW!" shouted Locke, dragging Edgar upstairs. Some of the people in the room laughed at the implications of Locke's statement.

"What is it Locke?" asked Edgar when they finally reached their destination.

"Sit down and write. My handwriting is really starting to piss me off."

"Seriously, that's our problem? I figured it was your word choice." Edgar snickered.

"So you read the letter? Good, then write for me… I'll tell you exactly what to put." Edgar picked up the pen. "Okay."

"Dear Setzer, you are a sfrugeluptious man with very, um, umbiligulyful motives. Thank you for the offer, but I'm afraid I must deaijelify it. Love Locke Cole."

"What in the world! I've never heard of those words, and why is Setzer asking for your hand in marriage?"

"I don't know, but I made those words up!" Edgar facepalmed.


	9. Crayons

Crayons:

"I'M OUT OF PAINT!" screamed Relm with horror. After running around everyone in circles, screaming and getting Setzer to scream back, they had finally given in.

"Okay, I'll go shopping," Celes said. "I need a list of things to buy." She waited until they were done, then glanced over the list, reading everything that was put down. "Really Cyan?" she asked sarcastically. He just nodded his head.

"What did he put?" asked Locke curiously.

"Crayons." Relm immediately came running into the room, gave Cyan a glare and ripped up the list.

"NO CRAYONS!" A wild scream came from her mouth as she left the room.

"What's her problem?" wondered Edgar.

"I have no idea, I've never seen her behave like this," Strago said feeling important.

"No one cares…" Shadow said.

"Shut up you whore!"

"Old fat pig."

"Nasty pedo-ish per- wait, that's me…" Strago left in defeat.

"Okay, I think I know everything on the list…" Celes said uncertainly.

"Don't worry," Terra smiled holding out the list she had written. Celes noticed a few things added to it, and gave Terra a knowing smile. The poor girl was going to be very moody in the next week or so.

"Ooh!" Edgar snatched up the list. He and Sabin were pretty much bouncing up and down. While the former wrote down what they wanted, Locke peeked over his shoulder and snickered.

"What are they writing?" questioned Terra. Locke just shook his head. Celes snatched up the list.

"Nesquik? Am I living with four-year-olds?"

"Can you get Gau crayons?"

"NO CRAYONS!"

"Okay, okay." Relm kept glaring around the room before slowly backing away.

"So, I guess I'll go," Celes quickly left.

XxX 20 minutes later XxX

"I'm back!" Celes yelled, holding at least a dozen bags. "Sabin will you carry the rest of the bags in please?"

"How much crap did you buy woman!?" exclaimed a surprised Locke. Celes put a finger to her lips, looked around and pulled out a box of crayons.

"Relm!?" At hearing Shadow's shout for the evil, crayon-killing demon, Celes shoved the box back into the bag.

"Where are they?" Relm demanded, bursting through the door. She gave them suspicious looks, sniffing the air. "I smell the particular waxy smell of children's play things, so where are they!?" After receiving no response she continued. "If you don't reveal the location before I count to ten, I'm going to kill everyone of you!" She pulled out her paintbrush that somehow looked menacing under the light. Locked nodded his head toward Celes, and Relm got an evil smile.


End file.
